Brodsworth Hall

On Sunday we went for a picnic at Brodsworth Hall - one of my two favourite English Heritage properties. Built mid 19th century (I think?), it was owned by private family until fairly recently, and was falling into disrepair until EH stepped in. The gardens are beautiful, and the house is probably unique to visit! Because it was a 'lived in' home for so long - there are incredible 'updates' done to the house (my favourite being a proper Crapper loo with 1950's pink walls!) The gardens are also being 'redone' and are gorgeous. Anyway, it was the first time I'd visited since I'd had Ellie - and whilst I love the house I was unsure how she would find it. There were several 'child friendly' touches, but Ellie's favourite was a wooden horse.

Apparently it was Paul's favourite too!

Friends and Friendships (and Weddings and Children too)

Yesterday I was at the wedding of an old schoolfriend. I'll not dwell on what a lovely ceremony it was, or what a lovely location, or how it reminded me of my own wedding (even though they are all very much true). Or even how we won the table top quiz during the wedding breakfast (two sections - one on the bride and groom and the other on general knowledge- with points awarded for the correct, or most amusing, answers).

It was wonderful to meet up with my old schoolfriends who were once so close but whom I now rarely see (rapidly moving towards the old cliche of weddings and funerals - well, just one funeral so far but that's one too many). That the old 'gang' is now 5 rather than 6 gave a poignancy to our meeting, but sad feelings didn't last long at such a happy occasion.

Our lives have changed so much since school - then we shared experiences of going to see gigs, going to clubs, joys and traumas of first relationships, what were we going to be 'when we grew up'. Now - on the whole - we are settled with partners, with careers, with children. In many ways we are very different from who we were. Yet, once we'd caught up on lifechanges, the years just fell away. Conversation flowed, topics came and went, reminiscences and plans for the future were shared. There was no competition about whose house was biggest, who earnt more, whose children were brightest. We just were, together as friends. I really wish I saw them all more often. But it doesn't matter that I don't. They will still be my friends when next we meet.

On a related note, Stuntmother has posted about why she believes children should be included in weddings. The bride and groom had taken the decision to only invite children who were related to them. I can't disagree with this decision, as I did exactly the same at my wedding, yet I will admit to being sad that I would have to leave Ellie and that she would not be able to share the occasion. Yet when I got there I felt quite differently. Meeting up with my old schoolfriends was such a chance to be myself; to remember that I had my own life before being a mother, that I still do have a life separate to my child (and work). Of course I talked about Ellie, of course I showed pictures of her. Not having Ellie there, competing for my attention and needing her needs to be put first, meant that I could immerse myself in the event and in conversations with friends. I needed that. I needed time to be me.

It was the first night I've ever spent away from her. My mother and sister came over to look after her. She was fine (of course). I'd looked forward to not being woken at 5am - particularly since it is my birthday today! But of course old habits die hard and I awoke even without her. I appreciate her even more for being separated for a little while - and I will give her a very big hug at 5am tomorrow.

PS. Sorry this post is a little disjointed - it was a very merry wedding by the end!

Unfinished Statement of Needs

I saw over on Glingle's blog a meme whereby you create a statement of your needs by Googling your name and the word needs and then display the most interesting results. I tried to resist it, but the social worker in me could not (it's a technical thing!). However, the three entries all related to a ecological kids song about Lisa the Lemur (you can see one of them here). It even plays the tune for you if you want.

Anyway, I got distracted following the link, and have lost the google page. Maybe one day when I'm less busy and tired I'll retry! Or maybe I'll just use the energy on teaching Ellie the song - it's so cool to have a song with your name! (even if it is really about a lemur!)

Changing Shape

I was starting to feel differently about my shape. Last week I re-started going to the gym (after a 3 year break). As my wise husband predicted, just going and getting a programme sorted out has started to make me feel better about myself. Like most people, whilst I am grateful and appreciate that my body functions perfectly, I wish that it did so in a more stylish and slender way! When I look back at photos of my younger self, part of me regrets that my self image then was unreasonably negative and that I did not appreciate the positives of the body I had, whilst an even stronger part of me is frustrated that I now look fatter and flabbier than I did then. Still, I know that regularly going to the gym will slowly change my body in a positive way - so I recognised that it's a slow process but it's worth putting in that effort.

Then, on Stuntmother's blog, I found a link to this site. And overnight it changed the way I feel about myself and my shape. Oh, I'll still continue to go to the gym, to become slimmer, fitter and healthier - but now I no longer feel the need to perform strange contortions to get showered/changed without showing an inch of flesh. I have realised that I have two physical reminders of getting pregnant and giving birth, and fortuntately only one of them throws tantrums!

Much too much

Yesterday, I was trying to 'quickly' set up broadband (which worked Ok, but the webmail really didn't leaving us with no sending email). In the midst of this unresolved and quite stressful situation the gas/electricity man came to read the meter. Then I realised that we (but particularly Ellie) needed lunch so started to make very simple beans on toast. And in the midst of this the phone rang, an important call about arranging a visit to take forward being respite foster carers. And with all this going on, Ellie walked into the kitchen, lifted up her skirt and wee-ed on the kitchen floot (not tiles, not lino, CARPET!) then walked out again.

I started to look around for a suitable corner to either scream, cry or gibber (or maybe all three).

Then Ellie reappeared, with a tiny, moist wetwipe, and tried to clean up her puddle.

Sometimes, you just have to laugh! (and give your child a cuddle)

Three Wishes

Today, I went to my god daughter’s christening (Emma this time, not Maisy – that was last month!). On the buffet table, there was a box with some paper slips so that everyone could write their 3 wishes for Emma. When they were read out, there was a lovely mixture of ‘traditional’ (variations on wealth, health and happiness) some more emotional ones, and a few relating to current events (world cup in particular). The intention is to keep them so that Emma can read them when she gets older.

Paul commented that he dislikes it when this kind of thing is ‘sprung’ on you – purely on the basis that he wants more time to prepare (he has such a competitive/perfectionist streak!). So, assuming that at some point we get round to Ellie being christened - you have been warned!

Local

Driving out of York today, I noticed at some traffic lights that my route was headed ‘Local Traffic’ and it made me think about when you actually become ‘a local’.

Having lived in York now for half my life, and owning a house here, I usually confidently say that I’m from York when someone asks. I’ve finally shrugged off the need to say “Well, I was from x, but now I live in York”. I certainly didn’t feel I could just say “I’m from York” when I first came to study here, and still felt rather a fraud if I did say it for years afterwards. I still didn’t have that mental sense of ‘localness’ even after buying my first home or having wide social and work networks.

I’m not sure when the mental change occurred or what caused it; the length of time I’ve lived here; having a daughter who can only be described as ‘a local’; finally being able to get myself everywhere I need without a map; or maybe having so many of my memories tied to places here?

Anyway, as I headed straight across the lights, I had a sense of contented settled belongingness. I'm sure that there are deeper thoughts to be had, about how my sense of belonging, and self identity, interconnect but at the moment, I'll just focus on the contentment. (*It's been a busy few weeks... and good feelings should be treasured. Especially when they come in unexpected places like road markings!)

contentment

My life is feeling pretty good at the moment. I knew this already, but it's nice to have it confirmed!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.6
Mind:	6.8
Body:	6.4
Spirit:	6.5
Friends/Family:	7.1
Love:	9.1
Finance:	7.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Godmother

Last Sunday I officially became Maisy’s godmother. Maisy is seven so this isn’t a major change - more a tidying up of an arrangement made a few hours after she was born. Ellie’s description of the ceremony probably sums up the practicalities: “The priest man poured water on Maisy’s head. He talked long time then we went home to Maisy’s house”.
The ceremony gave me a focus however to reflect on my relationship with Maisy, and to re-affirm how lucky I am to be her godmother and part of her life. Maisy is a lovely, thoughtful, considerate, energetic, intelligent, artistic, sociable child. She’s also been a typical baby, toddler, pre-schooler etc with all the challenges those stages of development bring and is now a pretty typical seven year old adjusting to having a two year old brother and an unhelpful class teacher at school. Thinking about Maisy, made me realise just how much she has given me over the last seven years. Having spent time looking after Maisy as a baby and toddler gave me a real headstart in confidence in looking after Ellie – I didn’t have to learn how to put on nappies, or give a bath, whilst fumbling my way through that post partum exhaustion. When things have been difficult, in work or relationships, Maisy’s obvious love and affection for me (along with the support of her parents) has really helped me to hold things together. Not to mention the (selfish) pleasures of Maisy drawing pictures specially for me, or insisting that only I am able to read her night time story. Or the recollection of things she has said and done which bring a smile to my face even now as I write this.

Which leads me to question – am I her ‘fairy’ godmother, or is she mine?

Potty!

Ellie has, in the last week, started toilet training and she’s doing really well. In fact, we’ve had hardly a wet nappy overnight since we started (which we didn’t expect) and only a few ‘accidents’ during the day times. Our chosen method (and nursery’s) is to prompt her regularly to sit on the potty, and to give her lots of praise (and a sticker if she’s at home) for any ‘result’. As a consequence of giving praise, I’ve ended up having lots of strange conversations along the lines of “Aren’t you a good girl doing a wee – shall we go and tell Daddy that you’ve done a wee?” then she gets a second lot of praise also. In terms of toilet training, this is working very well with only one or two ‘accidents’ a day (usually when she’s doing something far too interesting to interrupt for the potty!). However this has led to the weird situation this evening when, shortly after Paul left the house, Ellie did a poo and was adamant that I couldn’t empty the potty until Daddy got back to see it! In the end, we compromised and we took a picture of it. (Thank goodness for digital cameras and never having to get that picture processed!). No matter how much expert advice you read - it just doesn’t cover every eventuality!

Time Out

The other weekend was very sunny so we ended up having a barbeque with our friend, Mal. Whilst we were all sat out enjoying our food, Kitty went after a bird with a much greater degree of success than usual. The bird, which appeared to be struggling to get off the ground after Kitty’s pounce, hopped to a patch of long grass and hid there. Whilst I understand that as a cat it is inherent to Kitty’s nature to chase birds, it’s not something I want to see (particularly over my dinner!). Mal interrupted Kitty’s search of the long grass and shut her in the house. A little while later we checked on the bird – a rather shaken fledgling – who hopped out of the grass as we disturbed her (or possibly him) and desperately flapped back to a nearby tree where her mother was waiting anxiously. Ellie’s comment on all this? “Kitty in time out!”.

Barnaby Bear

Just before we went on holiday, amidst the blur of ‘things I must finish at work’, ‘clothes I must wash & dry to take away’, ‘important documents I must find to enable us to go abroad’ etc, I happened to see a programme on CBeebies channel. It was ‘Barnaby and Becky’ (about a small bear who goes on adventures usually without the little girl Becky). In this particular episode, Barnaby went on a Ferry across to Roscoff (in Brittany), where he had a crepe and explored ‘le jardin exotique’ (an usual tropical garden). When I saw it, I forgot the grown up tasks I needed to complete to go on holiday and was filled with holiday excitement because we too were going to go on a Ferry to Roscoff, and I had every intention of having crepes too!

On the penultimate day of our holiday, Paul motivated us out of our holiday ‘laissez-faire’ and we went to Roscoff’s ‘jardin exotique’. It was fabulous, a wonderful tropical garden, overlooking the Channel. Even as a novice (and ‘do it when I have to’) gardener, the plants and setting were awesome! And Ellie thought it was wonderful to find long leaves, and sticks, to trail along the ground. The weather was also tropical too, which added to the illusion of being much further away than Northern France. And, to top it all, I was walking along the very path that Barnaby had been on!

Anyway, impossible though it is to show the magic through the pictures, I thought I'd show you a couple anyway.

Holiday snaps

No time to write about our hols, but on the basis that a picture speaks a thousand words...
Here are Paul and Ellie in the pool! It was very quiet on the campsite for the first week, and also rather wet and windy. However, there were a few brighter spells which we made the most of! the second week was school holidays - much better weather but many many more people. I quite like the luxury of this private pool. The pool was 'heated' but this mean solar heating which raises the temperature by only a few degrees. The smaller pool to the back left was a jacuzzi and excellent for warming back up!


Ellie loved swimming, even in the cold pool! But she also really loved going on this bike riding game afterwards. Which is very lucky as I'm not sure the cold pool would have been healthy for too long!

(Best for us as parents - at 2 not only is she too young to play, but she's also to young to have any expectation that the bike might actually do anything)




Anyway, more about what I did on my holidays to follow!

Lost in France

I’ve not posted for a while as I’ve been away in France for two weeks. It’s been a fabulous holiday – although the EU (or should that be European Community?) Ironing Mountain I’m now facing has soon brought me back down to earth! Once our clothes are safely hung back up in our wardrobes I’ll post some more and let you know all about the wind, the lashing rain, the very cold swimming pool and that absolutely wonderful time we had (really – we did!). Oh, and due to my Dad's and husband's excellent driving I didn't get lost and was able to drink instead of driving.

Love

I've not posted for while, simply because I've been busy working, seeing relatives, having my 7 yr old goddaugher to stay, and assembling a playhouse and sand pit. Good times but with little time to think, reflect or write.
When I get more time, I want to join Poetry Thursday (one day I'll have time to find out how to link to other posts! EDIT Update: apparently that is today!). However, inspired by that idea, by discovering this poem yesterday, and because Paul is having a hard time at the moment and I love him very much - I thought I'd post this.

Love by Roy Croft
I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

Watery Reflections

Last night whilst Paul was multi-tasking (playing ‘boardgames’, and babysitting) I enjoyed a late night swim, and lounge around in the Jacuzzi at the gym. Not too surprisingly my thoughts turned to a friend’s observations on Jacuzzi etiquette. I have three observations of my own – which since I’m lacking inspiration and motivation to write anything else, I will put here.

1) My friend, Steer is right that there is an unwritten rule that when the bubbles stop whoever is nearest the steps (and consequently nearest to the Jacuzzi ‘on’ button) is expected to get out to turn it back on. However, there also appears to be a chivalrous element to the male gym members and if it is a woman nearest to the bubbles then she isn’t expected to get out. There’s not even an ‘are you going to go or am I’ questioning look – as soon as the bubbles stop there’s a chivalrous man half standing up to get out. (And I double checked that it applies to women generally not just me – so it can’t be explained by them not wanting to see my blubbery body!)

2) No body speaks to anybody in the Jacuzzi, unless they already know them. In fact, there is almost a London Underground determination not even to make eye contact – let alone say thank you if some presses the on button. I particularly notice this, because if you are sat in non-bubbling hot water in the toddler pool there is almost an inverse expectation that you will chat to other parents as your child refuses to share floats/toys with theirs! Yet I can’t be the only person who sits in both places – such situational conditioning!

3) Far too many times when I have been recently (late at night without Ellie – with the main intention of going of sitting in the Jacuzzi and avoiding all exercise), the Jacuzzi has been out of action. I am sure this is linked to the extra frothy water which often occurs and which Steer and I have speculated is possibly due to people failing to rinse their shampoo. Anyway, last night I found floating in the Jacuzzi a half full travel size shampoo bottle (thankfully with lid on), which I fished out. I suspect it says a lot about the gym prices that it was a bottle of Molton Brown shampoo!!!

As you can tell, it was a lovely evening – very relaxing, and completely switched off from work and motherhood!

Training

Last week, most of my working week was spent on a training course on supervision. Today, I had an unexpected ‘difficult’ conversation with one of the people I supervise. At the end of the conversation, it struck me that the conversation had been almost identical to a role play I had done on the training… if only I had realised earlier maybe I could have actively used the strategies discussed at the end of the role play to improve the outcome. (On the other hand, two hours later the worker informed me they had now done all the tasks I had asked of them so something about the conversation must have worked!)

It’s probably an indication of my level of overwork last week, that although I am contracted to work 2.5 days, it was a three day training course. And that was only ‘most’ of my working week! But my jobshare partner is back at work today after 10 weeks off sick – I was so glad to see her….!!!! I feel a spring in my step, a song in my heart, and an all over glow of happiness. (Which will probably last until Monday since I’m not working again until then).

Terrible Twos or Terrific Twos?

Ellie is now two! She stirred on her birthday morning at 5am, then woke properly shouting for “mummy” at 5.30am. She often wakes early, so this isn’t really unusual. However, it was also a strange co-incidence since two years earlier, she had woken me up with a strange pain at 5am (at which point, for reasons which I don’t really understand, I got up and did the washing up from the night before) and at 5.30 very strong contractions started. Luckily for me, the rest of her birthday this year went very differently… with a really enjoyable birthday party, with friends, food, drink, pass the parcel, and much fun. As opposed to a stream of midwives, a few glucose sweets and far more drugs than I’d expected!

A few moments reflection has left me amazed at how much my life has changed, at the strength of feeling in unconditional love, at the enormous number of clothes Ellie has grown out of, at the number of nursery rhymes I have learnt/remembered, at how toys creep into every corner of the house despite attempts to contain them in boxes and tubs, at how brazen I have become at ignoring tantrums in the middle of shops, at the way my heart still skips a beat when she takes my hand in her tiny one… Friends, books and even complete strangers all told me how different life would be once I’d had my baby. It’s not that I didn’t believe them because I did, but I really had no idea about just how different it would be. Or how it would be constantly changing as Ellie changes, with new joys, new challenges and new experiences.

Water Water Everywhere

I’ve always found it quite hard to understand why on an island surrounded by water we often have water shortages. I’m finding it even harder to understand how Thames Water have a hosepipe ban when I pass at least a dozen flooded fields on my way home from work.

Assuming flooding is better than drought (at least where both are in moderation) this is yet another reason why it’s better to be ‘up North’.

Breast is best

Depending upon your views on breasts, or more specifically extended breastfeeding, you may be advised to read no further…!

……

I read on a friend’s blog a while ago (I’d do a link if I was clever – but I’m not) that you know you’ve been breastfeeding too long if your ‘baby’ says “The other side Mummy” and you hear “The Udder side”.

In relaying this anecdote to another friend, she laughed and assumed I’d reached the end as I said “The other side, Mummy”. I assume she felt babies were too old to breastfeed once they could speak.

Ellie is 2 next week. Initially I wanted to feed her for 6 months – because I’d read that had lots of health benefits. By 6 months we both enjoyed the feeds – and I’d learnt by then that the WHO believe there are health benefits in feeding up to 2 years – so we carried on. Although I’ve kept the idea in the back of my mind that I’ll stop feeding Ellie when she’s 2. Which, as I’ve just said, is next week.

I’ve got mixed feelings though. It’s just so lovely having her feed and snuggle against me when she’s just woken and I’m still half asleep (after all, if I don’t feed her I’ve have to properly get up at 5.30am!). And being able to use a feed as instant paracetamol substitute if she’s had a bad fall, or is ill, and needs more comfort than a ‘kiss better’. And having that quiet time together at the end of a long day at nursery/work.

On the other hand, not only does she demand “other side, mummy”, but she’s also told me “I got snot on mummy-milk. Tissue, mummy”.

And yet I’m having a hard time preparing to stop feeding her – sometimes I amaze myself!!!