Identity

This week I watched The Bourne Identity.. It left me with a sense of yearning that I’ve been trying to figure out. Was it yearning for an ‘in control’ yet ‘vulnerable’ man (that ideal film stereotype of masculinity)? Definitely not - Paul is strong enough to open tight jar tops, courageous enough to remove spiders, and I’ve seen tears spring to his eyes when Ellie gives him a spontaneous hug. Even in a fantasy I don’t think I’d swap this for an amnesiac who kills people with his bare hands.

Rather it’s the precision lifestyle of a super-trained assassin that’s left me with a sense of longing; the minimalist and spotless flat, everything instantly planned, never making a mistake or forgetting things. Why isn’t my life like that? You just know that someone like Jason Bourne would never come back from Asda with more bargain smoothie than they are ever likely to drink and having forgotten to buy food for the cat. But then, do super trained assassins go shopping? You never see them cook, or sort out the washing up. Do they have to wash, dry and iron their clothes? Do they have a small whirlwind in their life who scatters blocks and other toys faster than an adult can pick them up? Do they have to negotiate the emotional up and downs of sharing your life completely with another person? I imagine it’s much easier to achieve a precision lifestyle without all these factors in the equation…

So, would I really want to swap my life, with the intricate richness and unpredictability brought by Paul and Ellie, for the life of a super trained assassin? (even if completely ignoring my ethical difficulties with the killing people part?) Definitely not.