Thursday, November 23, 2006


Why, oh why, do I do this to myself!

I'm teaching tomorrow am. I've just finished the presentation (it's a good hour past my bedtime). Once upon a time I might have justified this on the grounds that it was done, it was just that it still could be improved. But tonight, it reallywasn't all that started. It was in my head. Which is very different from being on a powerpoint presentation and handouts.

I know I am a deadline kind of person. I work much better with that adrenaline thrill of - can I actually achieve this in time? But really this is ridiculous. There are so many things which can go wrong with leaving things to the last minute - particularly when you have a small child who is reliant upon you.

I am cross with myself. I am also cross because I know that I have been here before. And I was cross with myself then too. And, apparently, it has made little difference.

So here I am. Tired and cross with myself. And the tiredness could have been avoided. And the crossness is ineffective.

I think I will just go to bed.

Tommorrow, I will be less tired and less cross - with a renewed resolution to plan my time better. (We'll see how that goes!)


Anonymous said...

As someone I knew once said to me

"can you do anything about it RIGHT NOW"

to which I answered "no"

and he replied

"well just let it go then"

Sometimes you just need someone else to give you that perspective!

Patrick x

Stuntmother said...

I am like this too. I don't know if I will ever change -- except maybe just this -- that being in that moment when I'm furious because I didn't have to be here -- and that I had the choice -- maybe it will make me choose differently.


Hey ho.

How are you?