So, I've got a replacement for my post - in a couple of weeks I'll have fully switched from my current post to my secondment. As you may have noticed in my last post, although I claim on job applications to be very good at managing change (and I am!) I have to confess that I find it as difficult as anyone. I enjoy the new challenges it brings, but wish I could keep all the old ones too - particularly the ones I've just sorted out!
Tonight also marked another change and ending. It was my last swim/sauna at our gym. Again it's only temporary - we've suspended our membership as we have other priorities at the moment. However, I am already really missing it... On the other hand, I am well aware that (as gym managers rely on with minimum contracts etc) we have often paid for a month or so when we have not actually made it though the door. I know that when we resume membership we will be making much better use of the facilities, and will probably appreciate them more for having not had them for a while. I'm still a little sad though (but know it will have passed by morning).
But really I should be looking to the future so finally, a conundrum. My new office has an enormous desk area - well 3 desks assembled in a big L to be accurate. Is this
a) a sign of status
b) a sign of overwork
c) a sign that the previous occupant was a hoarder?
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
The irreplaceable, indispensible, super woman
So much is going on in my life at the moment. Ellie is about to move up a class at nursery. She is trying new things and testing boundaries constantly at the moment. Paul is still off work with neurological problems (which haven't changed in the last 6 weeks). He may lose his job. He may decide to be a stay at home dad. I am about to start a new job - a new, exciting, different to now job. I am about to change the work life balance from an idyllic 3 work 4 home days to full time work (which is much better financially, but has less child time).
All this is going on. So what am I having sleepless nights about?
Leaving my current job: How can my current team manage without me? Surely my efforts over the last 2 years will disappear? And I will I lose the staff I've just recruited?
Surely it's impossible for the team to carry on without me. My head is so big - I am so outrageously self-important. Only I can be me.
Well, the last statement is true. The others I am recognising are part of my hysterical and misguided belief that I am an irreplaceable, indispensible, super woman. I am starting to realise that the real cause of stress in my life is having unrealistic expectations of myself - or worse, trying to live up to them, or even worse, believing that others hold such equally implausible beliefs about me and trying to live up to those too.
I am me. I am human. On a good day, that's a very good thing to be. On a bad day, it's a less good thing to be - but still OK.
All this is going on. So what am I having sleepless nights about?
Leaving my current job: How can my current team manage without me? Surely my efforts over the last 2 years will disappear? And I will I lose the staff I've just recruited?
Surely it's impossible for the team to carry on without me. My head is so big - I am so outrageously self-important. Only I can be me.
Well, the last statement is true. The others I am recognising are part of my hysterical and misguided belief that I am an irreplaceable, indispensible, super woman. I am starting to realise that the real cause of stress in my life is having unrealistic expectations of myself - or worse, trying to live up to them, or even worse, believing that others hold such equally implausible beliefs about me and trying to live up to those too.
I am me. I am human. On a good day, that's a very good thing to be. On a bad day, it's a less good thing to be - but still OK.
Blogger
Blogger wants me to go to a new, better, more exciting version....
Oh I so dislike change!
It says once I go, I cannot return...
Where has my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants attitude, taking risks in my stride gone?
Has anyone else changed? Does the world still work once you've crossed over?
Oh I so dislike change!
It says once I go, I cannot return...
Where has my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants attitude, taking risks in my stride gone?
Has anyone else changed? Does the world still work once you've crossed over?
Monday, November 27, 2006
Good things
I've had a few days of 'good things' - little, almost insignificant things which have made me smile, laugh or just pleased to be me at that time and that place. They are the sort of things which don't really mean much to anyone else- but are precious and priceless to me. And, whilst as always, Ellie has contributed greatly to such things they haven't all been about her - which is in itself a nice counterpoint to my usual perception of life.
So, to give you a few examples (and so on a less good day, I can look back here and smile about them all over again...)
A friend I'd not seen for several years (post-motherhood in fact) told me that I had not changed since being a student - definitely a compliment.
A work colleague, who I work with occasionally, gave me a huge smile and a big hug when she realised I was going to be working near her office in my new job.
I had evidence that I chosen a fantastic friend for Ellie's godfather when he was unselfconciously playing 'animals' with Ellie in the toddler pool - bounding around saying ribbit ribbit.
Seeing my goddaughter Maisy and teaching her to play draughts - immediately followed by her wanting to play another game with me.
So life is busy, hectic, unstable, even stressful at times - but basically good.
So, to give you a few examples (and so on a less good day, I can look back here and smile about them all over again...)
A friend I'd not seen for several years (post-motherhood in fact) told me that I had not changed since being a student - definitely a compliment.
A work colleague, who I work with occasionally, gave me a huge smile and a big hug when she realised I was going to be working near her office in my new job.
I had evidence that I chosen a fantastic friend for Ellie's godfather when he was unselfconciously playing 'animals' with Ellie in the toddler pool - bounding around saying ribbit ribbit.
Seeing my goddaughter Maisy and teaching her to play draughts - immediately followed by her wanting to play another game with me.
So life is busy, hectic, unstable, even stressful at times - but basically good.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Procrastination
Why, oh why, do I do this to myself!
I'm teaching tomorrow am. I've just finished the presentation (it's a good hour past my bedtime). Once upon a time I might have justified this on the grounds that it was done, it was just that it still could be improved. But tonight, it reallywasn't all that started. It was in my head. Which is very different from being on a powerpoint presentation and handouts.
I know I am a deadline kind of person. I work much better with that adrenaline thrill of - can I actually achieve this in time? But really this is ridiculous. There are so many things which can go wrong with leaving things to the last minute - particularly when you have a small child who is reliant upon you.
I am cross with myself. I am also cross because I know that I have been here before. And I was cross with myself then too. And, apparently, it has made little difference.
So here I am. Tired and cross with myself. And the tiredness could have been avoided. And the crossness is ineffective.
I think I will just go to bed.
Tommorrow, I will be less tired and less cross - with a renewed resolution to plan my time better. (We'll see how that goes!)
I'm teaching tomorrow am. I've just finished the presentation (it's a good hour past my bedtime). Once upon a time I might have justified this on the grounds that it was done, it was just that it still could be improved. But tonight, it reallywasn't all that started. It was in my head. Which is very different from being on a powerpoint presentation and handouts.
I know I am a deadline kind of person. I work much better with that adrenaline thrill of - can I actually achieve this in time? But really this is ridiculous. There are so many things which can go wrong with leaving things to the last minute - particularly when you have a small child who is reliant upon you.
I am cross with myself. I am also cross because I know that I have been here before. And I was cross with myself then too. And, apparently, it has made little difference.
So here I am. Tired and cross with myself. And the tiredness could have been avoided. And the crossness is ineffective.
I think I will just go to bed.
Tommorrow, I will be less tired and less cross - with a renewed resolution to plan my time better. (We'll see how that goes!)
Monday, November 20, 2006
Feeling at ease
Isn't it strange how age changes your expectations of holidays? I remember clearly as a teenager reaching a stage (as I suspect most teenagers do) when I considered it definitely more fun to go on holiday with my friends rather than my parents. Yet earlier this year when we went to France, it was the natural choice to go on holiday with my parents. Not just because they could babysit (although thank you...!) but because I wanted to go on holiday with them, knowing that we would enjoy similar things, and wanting them to spend some quality time with Ellie - see Ellie on holiday in person, not just through photos.
Similarly I can remember a time when, whilst envying the afflence, I was bemused by why people would buy a holiday villa. Why limit your holidays to one place when there is so much to see and do around the world? Yet here I am having just come back from Center Parcs at Nottingham for the eleventh time (probably, I've lost count). And will definitely be going back there again.
It doesn't stop my desire to visit many many places, but it is a perfect way to relax, unwind and have an idyllic holiday (for me, anyway). It's only an hour from home, so I'm not at all tired when I arrive. I know where everything is (which is lovely for someone with such a poor sense of direction). It's an isolated village, which could be anywhere, and feels a long long way from work, housework and the world at large. There are lots of fab things to do, but I don't feel I have to do more than I want - because I can always do some next time. And, best of all - it's all child friendly. All of it. From the moveable step in the villa bathroom, to the staff who say 'thank you for letting me know' and bring a replacement when you tell them your child has tipped their drink on the restaurant floor. And, I know that is their reaction - so even when this time nothing was split, I hadn't wasted a moment's anxiety in case it was.
I feel better than I have for a long time. (I'm going to hold onto how I feel right now. Picture it. Feel it. Remember it for when work hits tomorrow!)
Similarly I can remember a time when, whilst envying the afflence, I was bemused by why people would buy a holiday villa. Why limit your holidays to one place when there is so much to see and do around the world? Yet here I am having just come back from Center Parcs at Nottingham for the eleventh time (probably, I've lost count). And will definitely be going back there again.
It doesn't stop my desire to visit many many places, but it is a perfect way to relax, unwind and have an idyllic holiday (for me, anyway). It's only an hour from home, so I'm not at all tired when I arrive. I know where everything is (which is lovely for someone with such a poor sense of direction). It's an isolated village, which could be anywhere, and feels a long long way from work, housework and the world at large. There are lots of fab things to do, but I don't feel I have to do more than I want - because I can always do some next time. And, best of all - it's all child friendly. All of it. From the moveable step in the villa bathroom, to the staff who say 'thank you for letting me know' and bring a replacement when you tell them your child has tipped their drink on the restaurant floor. And, I know that is their reaction - so even when this time nothing was split, I hadn't wasted a moment's anxiety in case it was.
I feel better than I have for a long time. (I'm going to hold onto how I feel right now. Picture it. Feel it. Remember it for when work hits tomorrow!)
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Failing
Oh dear, due to internet connection hassles, I've been only just scraping through on this NaBloPoMo thing (well, Ok replace scraping through with occasionally failing to post every day - but still posting more than not!).
However, I have completely failed to take into account that we are off to Center Parcs tomorrow, for a long weekend away from it all. So there may be a mid packing post tomorrow. There may be a return post on Monday. But unless our housesitter hacks into my account and posts on my behalf there'll be no posts this weekend.
Failure.
Failure, at the half way stage.
But do I care? Afraid not. I'm off on holiday. Away from work, away from housework, with my family and some good friends and my gorgeous god-daughter (one of them, I have two equally gorgeous). And I've packed the wine!
But, in spirit of contrition and penance, I hereby pledge to ensure that by the end of November I have posted at least 30 times. (which will be at least one a day from when I return).
However, I have completely failed to take into account that we are off to Center Parcs tomorrow, for a long weekend away from it all. So there may be a mid packing post tomorrow. There may be a return post on Monday. But unless our housesitter hacks into my account and posts on my behalf there'll be no posts this weekend.
Failure.
Failure, at the half way stage.
But do I care? Afraid not. I'm off on holiday. Away from work, away from housework, with my family and some good friends and my gorgeous god-daughter (one of them, I have two equally gorgeous). And I've packed the wine!
But, in spirit of contrition and penance, I hereby pledge to ensure that by the end of November I have posted at least 30 times. (which will be at least one a day from when I return).
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
The value of others
Blogging started out as a way of making time for myself, to think about things and develop some perspective - as well as being a way of using my writing skills. Strange how things turn out...
Due to NaBloPoMo combined with the vagaries of my broadband connection, thoughtful crafted posts have been replaced with a manic scramble to compose and post before the connection fails (if only I was organised/had time enough to draft in word then try to upload on the same day!). And the reasons why I am writing are also changing. It's still a place for me to reflect, (or perhaps more accurately causes me to reflect during the day - how would this look as a post? what would I write about this event? what do I actually think about it??) but it's also a way of keeping up with friends - real world ones, re-found ones, and new ones who I may never meet but whose opinions and thoughts I now value.
Today, I hit a challenge. Someone has reacted in a way that has surprised and disappointed me. I'd quite like to blog about it - a chance to figure out whether or not I am going to take their reaction to heart, how I truly feel about what has happened. It's not major but it's on my mind. I'd quite like to poll others opinions about this - without having to take over every conversation by rehashing it when I'm not really too clear what I actually think and feel. But I can't. Maybe one day they will read this blog. And I can guess that my blogging about it would surprise and disappoint them...
So, it's a shame that you will never read enough to know what I am actually on about, but at least I know, and now you know, that I really value your comments and feedback. Blogging has made my world bigger and more interesting and that must always be a good thing. Even if I don't spend as much time on it as I'd like
Due to NaBloPoMo combined with the vagaries of my broadband connection, thoughtful crafted posts have been replaced with a manic scramble to compose and post before the connection fails (if only I was organised/had time enough to draft in word then try to upload on the same day!). And the reasons why I am writing are also changing. It's still a place for me to reflect, (or perhaps more accurately causes me to reflect during the day - how would this look as a post? what would I write about this event? what do I actually think about it??) but it's also a way of keeping up with friends - real world ones, re-found ones, and new ones who I may never meet but whose opinions and thoughts I now value.
Today, I hit a challenge. Someone has reacted in a way that has surprised and disappointed me. I'd quite like to blog about it - a chance to figure out whether or not I am going to take their reaction to heart, how I truly feel about what has happened. It's not major but it's on my mind. I'd quite like to poll others opinions about this - without having to take over every conversation by rehashing it when I'm not really too clear what I actually think and feel. But I can't. Maybe one day they will read this blog. And I can guess that my blogging about it would surprise and disappoint them...
So, it's a shame that you will never read enough to know what I am actually on about, but at least I know, and now you know, that I really value your comments and feedback. Blogging has made my world bigger and more interesting and that must always be a good thing. Even if I don't spend as much time on it as I'd like
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Blogging
Blogging started out as a way of making time for myself, to think about things and develop some perspective - as well as being a way of using my writing skills. Strange how things turn out...
Due to NaBloPoMo combined with the vagarities of my broadband connection, thoughtful crafted posts have been replaced with manic scramble to compose and post before the connection fails (if only I was organised/had time enough to draft in word then try to upload on the same day!). And the reasons why I am writing are also changing. It's still a place for me to reflect, (or perhaps more accurately causes me to reflect during the day - how would this look as a post? what would I write about this event? what do I actually think about it??) but it's also a way of keeping up with friends - real world ones, re -found ones, and new ones who I may never meet but whose opinions and thoughts I now value.
Today, I hit a challenge. Someone has reacted in a way that has surprised and disappointed me. I'd quite like to blog about it - a chance to figure out whether or not I am going to take their reaction to heart, how I truly feel about what has happened. It's not major but it's on my mind. I'd quite like to poll others opinions about this - without having to take over every conversation by rehashing it when I'm not really too clear what I actually think and feel. But I can't. Maybe one day they will read this blog. And I can guess that my blogging about it would surprise and disappoint them...
So, it's a shame that you will never read enough to know what I am actually on about, but at least I know, and now you know, that I really value your comments and feedback. Blogging has made my world bigger and more interesting and that must always be a good thing.
Even if I don't spend as much time on it as I'd like.
Due to NaBloPoMo combined with the vagarities of my broadband connection, thoughtful crafted posts have been replaced with manic scramble to compose and post before the connection fails (if only I was organised/had time enough to draft in word then try to upload on the same day!). And the reasons why I am writing are also changing. It's still a place for me to reflect, (or perhaps more accurately causes me to reflect during the day - how would this look as a post? what would I write about this event? what do I actually think about it??) but it's also a way of keeping up with friends - real world ones, re -found ones, and new ones who I may never meet but whose opinions and thoughts I now value.
Today, I hit a challenge. Someone has reacted in a way that has surprised and disappointed me. I'd quite like to blog about it - a chance to figure out whether or not I am going to take their reaction to heart, how I truly feel about what has happened. It's not major but it's on my mind. I'd quite like to poll others opinions about this - without having to take over every conversation by rehashing it when I'm not really too clear what I actually think and feel. But I can't. Maybe one day they will read this blog. And I can guess that my blogging about it would surprise and disappoint them...
So, it's a shame that you will never read enough to know what I am actually on about, but at least I know, and now you know, that I really value your comments and feedback. Blogging has made my world bigger and more interesting and that must always be a good thing.
Even if I don't spend as much time on it as I'd like.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Success
I got the job!
Lots more posting when broadband connection is working again and celebrations are over.
Lots more posting when broadband connection is working again and celebrations are over.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Organic Veg
Maybe you remember a while ago, my post in which I worried about how to buy organic veg, without going bankrupt at the supermarket checkout (amongst many other things!). Some friends suggested that it would be worth checking out if there were any organic veg box schemes locally. It’s taken a while to choose one - the post was in September!. But the first box arrived on Friday. I was so excited in anticipation of it arriving. It's a 'small variety' - ideal to trial - and promised carrots, onions and pototoes as standard and 3 -4 other things. And here it is!
As well as 4 pototoes, 3 carrots, and 3 onions it had some Kale, 3 leeks and 2 squash and a swede. The squash is most definitely one of those veg I see in the supermarkets and think "that looks really interesting - I ought to find a recipe to cook with one some day" and then never do....
So now, I have to cook with one (which is exciting), and I've planned wonderful seasonal recipes like casseroles and leek and bean pie for the other veg.
So I'm feeling pretty good about this veg box thing so far - I'm eating organic veg, I'm eating seasonal veg, I'm eating local produce, and I'm cooking 'proper' food. Oh, and (probably because I've menu planned carefully around the veg) my remaining shop at the supermarket was within my reduced budget for food!
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Optimism
This afternoon provided an incredible opportunity to witness optimism in action. It's November. It's raining and very very very windy. Yet, we could hear the strains of 'Greenselves' sounding steadily nearer, until eventually the ice cream van pulled up into our cul-de-sac. Yes, that's right. The ice cream van.
I wonder how much business he is doing?
I wonder how much business he is doing?
Phew...
(once again, this is yesterday's post, but couldn't get a connection)
It's been an unsettled week.
It started with a MAJOR overhaul of our finances. Paul is still unwell (forgetting about half of what happened the day before, and having 'absences' when he just freezes for 5-10 secs about 15 -20 times a day - which is Ok, unless for example he is off balance walking up the stairs, or pouring boiling water), he's out of company sick pay, and onto Statutory Sick Pay(which isn't a lot, believe me!), and there's a significant risk that since the GP says he may take another 3 -4 months to recover that they won't hold his job open for him. So, time to face up to reality. To take a long look at our finances (which have never been plentiful since Ellie and her nursery fees came along and I cut down to working part time). It was hard. No two ways about it. However, at least there were things we could cut back on, and because I work part time, there the potential for me to work more hours and bring in more money). So, it could have been a lot worse. There's a roof over our head - and it's going to stay there.
When all this started with Paul, and we thought it would be better soon, I expressed interest in a secondment at work. They wanted full time, but would consider part timers. It's a fantastic exciting, really really grown up job (even more so than managing a nursing and social work team... gulp!). It's a Project Manager post for 6 months intially, under a manager I get on really well with (even though she expects everything yesterday), to redevelop and create innovative learning disability services. Overseeing the opening of a new 4 bed short stay (respite) unit, designing and building (and arranging support staff for) 6 bungalows which will provide tenancies for 18 people with learning disabilties and additional complex needs, setting up a supporte accommodation project, not to mention redeveloping and modernising a day service for 100 service users. It's a fabulous and terrifying job desciption.
When I applied, I thought that if I got it then a) Paul would be better before I started and b) that my fantastic job share partner could 'look after' our team . Two weeks before the interview I found a) Paul is not getting better in the next few months (probably) and b) my job share partner has been poached to work in another team where they are in crisis.
I spent a sleepless weekend last week tossing and turning ideas. Can I commit to such a demanding role when my home life is unsettled? Paul and Ellie are my priorities. And what about my current team? It's still a newish team, only 2 years old. It's been a real challenge to get nurses and social workers to work together as a team not as individuals - in fact it still is. It's been very very very hard... with personalities, short staffing, budget cuts... but it's just starting to come together. Another 12 months and I think we'll be doing really well. But what will happen if I'm not there, and my job partner's not there. What will happen then? But then again, I'm not indepensible. Maybe someone else will do just as well, maybe better.... OMG, what if they are better than me and then I have to come back to the team, and no one wants me any more.... You can see how my thoughts become less and less rational in a way which has a strange correlation to the amount of sleep achieved!
On Monday, I spoke to my manager. Told him I wasn't sure about the secondment - maybe I should withdraw my application. Being the lovely manager he is, he told me that he understood, that he knew that I was the sort of person who would not want to take something on unless I was sure I could fully commit and make a good job of it (which was very reassuring because my current post is hard, and I feel like at least half the time I've just bodged it to get along and keep my, and the teams, head above water). He told me just to see how I felt by the day of the interview - Friday 10th, and withdraw then if needed. Partway though this conversation, past the point of no return, I realised he was on the interview panel... so probably not the best person to tell that I was really uncertain about it all!
Anyway. I went to the interview. I did OK - at least I'll be able to look at the managers who inteviewed me and not feel totally embarrassed by what I said (or didn't). 4 applicants, so it is whoever was best on the day. All candidates notified of the results on Monday.
As I went it, I just decided it would be fate. If I get it, I get it, and it will be a fantastic job. And I can work full time hours, but flexibly. If I don't get it, I get to stay with the team, working my jobshare's extra hours. The team, knowing that I am possibly leaving are just starting to let me know that I'm not always the wicked witch of the west and that they would perhaps actually miss me. (One told me "I'll not wish you luck" and another said "well, I hope you don't get it" - and I know that they are compliments). It will work out fine either way.
It's been an unsettled week.
It started with a MAJOR overhaul of our finances. Paul is still unwell (forgetting about half of what happened the day before, and having 'absences' when he just freezes for 5-10 secs about 15 -20 times a day - which is Ok, unless for example he is off balance walking up the stairs, or pouring boiling water), he's out of company sick pay, and onto Statutory Sick Pay(which isn't a lot, believe me!), and there's a significant risk that since the GP says he may take another 3 -4 months to recover that they won't hold his job open for him. So, time to face up to reality. To take a long look at our finances (which have never been plentiful since Ellie and her nursery fees came along and I cut down to working part time). It was hard. No two ways about it. However, at least there were things we could cut back on, and because I work part time, there the potential for me to work more hours and bring in more money). So, it could have been a lot worse. There's a roof over our head - and it's going to stay there.
When all this started with Paul, and we thought it would be better soon, I expressed interest in a secondment at work. They wanted full time, but would consider part timers. It's a fantastic exciting, really really grown up job (even more so than managing a nursing and social work team... gulp!). It's a Project Manager post for 6 months intially, under a manager I get on really well with (even though she expects everything yesterday), to redevelop and create innovative learning disability services. Overseeing the opening of a new 4 bed short stay (respite) unit, designing and building (and arranging support staff for) 6 bungalows which will provide tenancies for 18 people with learning disabilties and additional complex needs, setting up a supporte accommodation project, not to mention redeveloping and modernising a day service for 100 service users. It's a fabulous and terrifying job desciption.
When I applied, I thought that if I got it then a) Paul would be better before I started and b) that my fantastic job share partner could 'look after' our team . Two weeks before the interview I found a) Paul is not getting better in the next few months (probably) and b) my job share partner has been poached to work in another team where they are in crisis.
I spent a sleepless weekend last week tossing and turning ideas. Can I commit to such a demanding role when my home life is unsettled? Paul and Ellie are my priorities. And what about my current team? It's still a newish team, only 2 years old. It's been a real challenge to get nurses and social workers to work together as a team not as individuals - in fact it still is. It's been very very very hard... with personalities, short staffing, budget cuts... but it's just starting to come together. Another 12 months and I think we'll be doing really well. But what will happen if I'm not there, and my job partner's not there. What will happen then? But then again, I'm not indepensible. Maybe someone else will do just as well, maybe better.... OMG, what if they are better than me and then I have to come back to the team, and no one wants me any more.... You can see how my thoughts become less and less rational in a way which has a strange correlation to the amount of sleep achieved!
On Monday, I spoke to my manager. Told him I wasn't sure about the secondment - maybe I should withdraw my application. Being the lovely manager he is, he told me that he understood, that he knew that I was the sort of person who would not want to take something on unless I was sure I could fully commit and make a good job of it (which was very reassuring because my current post is hard, and I feel like at least half the time I've just bodged it to get along and keep my, and the teams, head above water). He told me just to see how I felt by the day of the interview - Friday 10th, and withdraw then if needed. Partway though this conversation, past the point of no return, I realised he was on the interview panel... so probably not the best person to tell that I was really uncertain about it all!
Anyway. I went to the interview. I did OK - at least I'll be able to look at the managers who inteviewed me and not feel totally embarrassed by what I said (or didn't). 4 applicants, so it is whoever was best on the day. All candidates notified of the results on Monday.
As I went it, I just decided it would be fate. If I get it, I get it, and it will be a fantastic job. And I can work full time hours, but flexibly. If I don't get it, I get to stay with the team, working my jobshare's extra hours. The team, knowing that I am possibly leaving are just starting to let me know that I'm not always the wicked witch of the west and that they would perhaps actually miss me. (One told me "I'll not wish you luck" and another said "well, I hope you don't get it" - and I know that they are compliments). It will work out fine either way.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Proud Parents
Can there be anything more lovely than going to a Parent's Evening at your child's nursery, drinking their free wine (albeit no doubt included in our monthly fees), eating their nibbles, catching up with other parents you like, and having the staff in the room your daughter is leaving saying how much they will miss her, and the staff in the room she will be moving to saying how very much they are looking forward to having her as she is always so lovely?
I know my daughter is gorgeous. But it is so nice to hear other people say it.
(And we won the raffle too!)
A happy evening to provide a solid rock in a sea of uncertainty. I love my family.
I know my daughter is gorgeous. But it is so nice to hear other people say it.
(And we won the raffle too!)
A happy evening to provide a solid rock in a sea of uncertainty. I love my family.
The 4 'R' s
The area where I work has "Remember the 4 R's" on the side of the bin lorries. It took me ages (and a peek round the opposite side) to realise this stood for
Reuse
Reduce
Recyle
Repair
Where I live they only ask you to remember the 3 'r's which are the first three. Over the last couple of days I've had a couple of conversations which have really brought home the fact that we have lost the art of repairing and 'making do'...
One of my work colleagues explained he had had a slightly embarrassing dinner party when at the end of the meal he went to make coffee only to find that the element on the kettle was no longer working. One of his guests came from an Eastern European country and calmly finished his can of beer, cut up the can, fixed it round the broken element, whilst explaining at home they would never just throw away a good kettle... and hey presto it worked.
Paul explained how when he was younger he helped tidy up his grandparents' kitchen drawers and found some small metal discs - which they explained were for repairing pans when they got holes in the bottom. I simply can't imagine ever using a pan enough to wear through the base ! And then another friend explained that as a child her grandma always used to whisk away any jumpers she had grown out of (which were usually stripy) and then she would get a very similar jumper back with a stripe of whatever was her favourite colour. It was a few years before she realised her jumpers were in fact essentially the same ones!!!
It seems that in this busy world where we are learning new skills constantly (how to work the DVD player, how to use blogger, how to use sat nav etc etc) there are lots of skills that we are also losing just as fast.
ps once again, I have posted this late... after trying for over 12 hours to get a connection with my broadband...! I feel a phone call to the provider coming on - just as soon as I have time.
Reuse
Reduce
Recyle
Repair
Where I live they only ask you to remember the 3 'r's which are the first three. Over the last couple of days I've had a couple of conversations which have really brought home the fact that we have lost the art of repairing and 'making do'...
One of my work colleagues explained he had had a slightly embarrassing dinner party when at the end of the meal he went to make coffee only to find that the element on the kettle was no longer working. One of his guests came from an Eastern European country and calmly finished his can of beer, cut up the can, fixed it round the broken element, whilst explaining at home they would never just throw away a good kettle... and hey presto it worked.
Paul explained how when he was younger he helped tidy up his grandparents' kitchen drawers and found some small metal discs - which they explained were for repairing pans when they got holes in the bottom. I simply can't imagine ever using a pan enough to wear through the base ! And then another friend explained that as a child her grandma always used to whisk away any jumpers she had grown out of (which were usually stripy) and then she would get a very similar jumper back with a stripe of whatever was her favourite colour. It was a few years before she realised her jumpers were in fact essentially the same ones!!!
It seems that in this busy world where we are learning new skills constantly (how to work the DVD player, how to use blogger, how to use sat nav etc etc) there are lots of skills that we are also losing just as fast.
ps once again, I have posted this late... after trying for over 12 hours to get a connection with my broadband...! I feel a phone call to the provider coming on - just as soon as I have time.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Nobody told me...
In the days of my pregnancy and over the first few weeks of motherhood, many many people told me (whether or not I knew them) that my life would change. And it has!
But nobody told me that...
But nobody told me that...
- my trousers would all wear out at the knees (in months)
- my shoes would be scuffed to holes at the toes
- no matter how many boxes/cupboards I have, they will never contain all the toys
- if you really love a tiny baby item of clothing - you should buy it in the next size up too!
- you can function (kind of) on only 5 hours of sleep, which has been interrupted 5 times
- I would end up singing Rudolph the red nosed reindeer 70 times to keep my toddler calm in the car - in July
- you will be so happy that someone else is pregnant because then you can unload all the baby stuff from the cupboard under the stairs
- when you are out with a baby or toddler you need a clean top for you as well as them
and last but not least - wet wipes can clean anything (crayon from the TV screen being the most useful).
Monday, November 06, 2006
Teaching
This morning was spent teaching a group of student social workers. It's a really lovely course module, with lots of self-directed learning by the students and just a little judicious facilitation by myself here and there (which is much much more fun than talking myself hoarse in a lecture that I've spend 2 full weekends preparing!).
This year it's a great group; they are all engaging with the material, engaging with each other and making pertinent comments throughout. But what is really fantastic is to spend time talking about policy, frameworks, values, culture, difference, ethics, the desire to make the world a better place with a group of interesting, articulate, well-informed and enthusiastic social workers. (Which isn't to say that my work place doesn't have similar people - albeit often hiding behind exhausted cynicism, but there is rarely time to talk about such essential things). It's made me remember why I trained to be a social worker, why I still am a social worker (albeit in a management capacity) and gave me a fresh perspective on the enormous pile of work which was waiting for me when I got into my office today.
All this and I got paid for it too!
This year it's a great group; they are all engaging with the material, engaging with each other and making pertinent comments throughout. But what is really fantastic is to spend time talking about policy, frameworks, values, culture, difference, ethics, the desire to make the world a better place with a group of interesting, articulate, well-informed and enthusiastic social workers. (Which isn't to say that my work place doesn't have similar people - albeit often hiding behind exhausted cynicism, but there is rarely time to talk about such essential things). It's made me remember why I trained to be a social worker, why I still am a social worker (albeit in a management capacity) and gave me a fresh perspective on the enormous pile of work which was waiting for me when I got into my office today.
All this and I got paid for it too!
5th November's post
It's not that I didn't try to post yesterday, it's just that the dratted connection wouldn't let me.
Anyway, here it is (belatedly).
Traditional Curries.
On Saturday, we went over to Bradford to meet with a good friend, and to take Ellie for her first curry out. Bradford has a large ethnic minority population, and consequently is known for some very very good curry houses. And Paul and I both come from cultures of eating curry in Bradford, so it was the obvious place to go.
We went to Ambala (on Great Houghton Road, a bit nearer town than Mumtaz - for those of you who may know the area). It's a 'modern' curry house - all laminate flooring, coloured gel filled vases of single stems, square plates etc. Lovely surroundings, lovely food, and given we went late lunchtime when it was very very quiet excellent service (attentive yet not standing over you - a very hard balance to strike!). Ellie loved it - well, except for the lime pickle which I failed to intercept her trying.
But it was a far cry from the 'traditional spit and sawdust' places in Bradform where I learnt to eat curry whilst a student. Yes, I was a student in York but the cheapness of curry in Bradford made it affordable, particularly if you could persuade someone else to drive and that wasn't usually hard...!
Paul had had a much earlier introduction, and with an even longer commute. He had been taken to Bradford for curries by his parents whilst a small child from Lincoln! I realised what a family tradition I was joining into when the first time I met Paul's parents they collected us from York and took us over to Bradford for a pint and a curry. And if that wasn't enough of a clue, the waiter greeted Paul and his parents by name and commented it had been a while since he had last seen him!
I realise this post will mean little to most, but it was a lovely meal, and all the more so for being a continuation of a family tradition, and the start of one of our own.
Anyway, here it is (belatedly).
Traditional Curries.
On Saturday, we went over to Bradford to meet with a good friend, and to take Ellie for her first curry out. Bradford has a large ethnic minority population, and consequently is known for some very very good curry houses. And Paul and I both come from cultures of eating curry in Bradford, so it was the obvious place to go.
We went to Ambala (on Great Houghton Road, a bit nearer town than Mumtaz - for those of you who may know the area). It's a 'modern' curry house - all laminate flooring, coloured gel filled vases of single stems, square plates etc. Lovely surroundings, lovely food, and given we went late lunchtime when it was very very quiet excellent service (attentive yet not standing over you - a very hard balance to strike!). Ellie loved it - well, except for the lime pickle which I failed to intercept her trying.
But it was a far cry from the 'traditional spit and sawdust' places in Bradform where I learnt to eat curry whilst a student. Yes, I was a student in York but the cheapness of curry in Bradford made it affordable, particularly if you could persuade someone else to drive and that wasn't usually hard...!
Paul had had a much earlier introduction, and with an even longer commute. He had been taken to Bradford for curries by his parents whilst a small child from Lincoln! I realised what a family tradition I was joining into when the first time I met Paul's parents they collected us from York and took us over to Bradford for a pint and a curry. And if that wasn't enough of a clue, the waiter greeted Paul and his parents by name and commented it had been a while since he had last seen him!
I realise this post will mean little to most, but it was a lovely meal, and all the more so for being a continuation of a family tradition, and the start of one of our own.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Add a little imagination
I've often heard people comment that you buy a small child a fabulous, and expensive toy, then they only want to play with the box. Paul is very clever at turning this to good use - for example when Ellie got a pots and pans set, he spray painted the box, added dials and created a cooker.
But it fascinates me how small children can turn the most basic of items into toys, which are far more creative than I would ever have come up with. Ellie's current favourite is a box of rubber bands. She will empty them out on the carpet, then create pictures with them. Placing bands to be the 'googly' eyes, the arms, the legs, the hair. And making far more recognisable pictures than she is able to do yet with her drawing skills. I'll remember to take a photo of the next one to show you!
But it fascinates me how small children can turn the most basic of items into toys, which are far more creative than I would ever have come up with. Ellie's current favourite is a box of rubber bands. She will empty them out on the carpet, then create pictures with them. Placing bands to be the 'googly' eyes, the arms, the legs, the hair. And making far more recognisable pictures than she is able to do yet with her drawing skills. I'll remember to take a photo of the next one to show you!
A lovely day...
Yesterday, I had a lovely day... One of those lovely, meandering, but busy, kind of days. Ending with a gorgeous display of fireworks (well, it is nearly Bonfire Night). We had gone to the gym where we are members to see the fireworks but arrived to find it had sold out. However, the entrance of the gym was just outside of the safety zone for the actual display lighting, so we just stood there - with others, and watched the fireworks explode and dazzle almost directly overhead. Then we stolled home in the cold, crisp air, feeling the cold nibbling at our fingers and toes. Which inspired me to make mulled wine once Ellie was in bed. So by the time I went up to bed, I was merry and warm inside, and fully reconciled to the idea that winter is coming....
Friday, November 03, 2006
Uncertainty at work
I'm having a time of difficult decisions at work - well, primarily one major one, a secondment which I shall post more about later. Interestingly though, it's made me realise that although I work hard, and sometimes find the actual work stressful at times, I spend far less 'worry time' on work than I used to do. I think the key change has been this whole parenthood thing! I clearly only have a quota of worry time (at least whilst functioning on a sane and rational level), and it's taken up with anxieties about parenting.
I hadn't really recognised this until the secondment came up. But now I'm tossing and turning mentally about whether I should go for it or not, what the consequences could be, etc etc, I have suddenly recognised the absence of such career anxiety thoughts over the last 2.5 years. It's not even that I've not made decisions - I've chopped and changed about enough to drive my boss to distraction (except he's too good for that). Honestly, I was going to return to work full time, then three days a week as a social worker, then 2.5 days as a job share team manager, then increased my hours whilst my job share partner was on sick leave, and now increasing them again temporarily whilst she's on a secondment (at least until I decide what I want to do about the secondment I've applied for). But I made all these decisions - well just by making them! I thought through the pros and cons (what I wanted, the financial implications, the stress levels of each course) then just made the decision. There was no tearing myself in two, no constantly revisiting to be sure I was making the right choice, no seeking everyone's advice, no comparing myself to how others might handle the situation. I just got on with it - and that isn't how I used to be about my career.
But, I can definitely recognise all those signs of anxiety in thinking about how to be the best parent I can be to Ellie. Leading to my conclusion that I must have a limited quantity which I have transferred from work to parenting.
On the other hand, I'm doing well at work. Not constantly self-examining has not made me less effective (that' s not to say I don't take stock of what I'm doing and how well I'm doing it at work from time to time - I have to, it's part of my role - but I'm not going round in circles like I used to). Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here that I can transfer to parenting...!
(but what would I worry about then?!!)
I hadn't really recognised this until the secondment came up. But now I'm tossing and turning mentally about whether I should go for it or not, what the consequences could be, etc etc, I have suddenly recognised the absence of such career anxiety thoughts over the last 2.5 years. It's not even that I've not made decisions - I've chopped and changed about enough to drive my boss to distraction (except he's too good for that). Honestly, I was going to return to work full time, then three days a week as a social worker, then 2.5 days as a job share team manager, then increased my hours whilst my job share partner was on sick leave, and now increasing them again temporarily whilst she's on a secondment (at least until I decide what I want to do about the secondment I've applied for). But I made all these decisions - well just by making them! I thought through the pros and cons (what I wanted, the financial implications, the stress levels of each course) then just made the decision. There was no tearing myself in two, no constantly revisiting to be sure I was making the right choice, no seeking everyone's advice, no comparing myself to how others might handle the situation. I just got on with it - and that isn't how I used to be about my career.
But, I can definitely recognise all those signs of anxiety in thinking about how to be the best parent I can be to Ellie. Leading to my conclusion that I must have a limited quantity which I have transferred from work to parenting.
On the other hand, I'm doing well at work. Not constantly self-examining has not made me less effective (that' s not to say I don't take stock of what I'm doing and how well I'm doing it at work from time to time - I have to, it's part of my role - but I'm not going round in circles like I used to). Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here that I can transfer to parenting...!
(but what would I worry about then?!!)
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Challenges
Wouldn’t you know it…? Just as I decide to commit to NaBLoPoMo, my Broadband provider decides to upgrade my connection. Which, theoretically, is really good – potentially quadrupling my connection speed (2.2 mbps to 8 mbps, if you really want to be technical). Of course, in reality, (probably because we are using one of the ‘free’ broadband providers) what this means is that our connection has become completely unreliable….
So how committed to this am I? Will I really try several times a day to get my post online…? Will I dash round to friends' houses to use their connection to put my post up?
Who knows? But let me point you to the lovely NaBloPoMo button now residing on my sidebar and, when you understand that my html skills were previously non-exist, you will see the measure of my determination!
So how committed to this am I? Will I really try several times a day to get my post online…? Will I dash round to friends' houses to use their connection to put my post up?
Who knows? But let me point you to the lovely NaBloPoMo button now residing on my sidebar and, when you understand that my html skills were previously non-exist, you will see the measure of my determination!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Halloween
Yesterday was Halloween. Here is Ellie dressed in her 'spider' costume which she happily wore all day!
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