Part of the reason for needing to re-balance my life is because Paul's health changed last year. I can't remember exactly what I posted, and I'm afraid I'm too lazy to trawl my archives - but in summary, Paul developed some temporary, but longish-term, neurological problems.
It had a dramatic start, but soon settled into a pattern of about 15 -20 abscence-type moments during the day (he will 'freeze' for about 5 seconds, then 'come to' with a slight jolt). This is accompanied by short term memory loss - he's fine on the day itself (as much as anyone is!) but only remembers about half of what has happened the day before (and this memory so far has remained lost). I should point out that this is the current situation and a definite improvement on when it all started in October -then he remembered little, if anything, of the day before and sometimes even lost memory from the same day.
I don't think that I'm unusual in that I've pretty much adjusted to this now. The absences obviously have a day to day effect in that he can't drive, but don't affect most of his general day to day ability to do things. The memory loss often doesn't feel too prominent - he doesn't know what he's forgotten, I don't realise he's forgotten it unless I ask or make reference to something and anyway, we've always been big on writing lists. The biggest effect is financial in that he's only on Statutory Sick Pay at work, and that he is likely to lose his job.
Yet despite this, I am often surprised by coming across evidence of what he remembers and what he doesn't. The other day I taught Paul to play cribbage. We did this in the knowledge that he finds it hard to take on new information, and that he might not remember any of it the next day. That same day, we received a belated Christmas card from a friend, with some beautiful magnetic pictures - we both admired them, and later that day he stuck them on the fridge.
The next day, Paul remembered enough about cribbage to beat me - thoughts about his memory loss moved to the back of my mind. In a break in playing, we made drinks and Paul went to get milk from the fridge.
"Those are lovely pictures on the fridge" he said "where have they come from?"
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Balance
Ok, I had many many New Year Resolutions in my head. Usually I write them down, review them at the end of the year (if I can find them) and discover that I've achieved a few of them. This year, because it's now 13th and I've not yet written them down, I'm going to try a new approach. An approach shamelessly stolen from another blogger - oh well, not plagiarising was never on my list! This year, I'm going to have a word. The word is balance.
In particular I want to work on finding that elusive balance between being an individual and being a mother. And to find the necessary balance between work and home (I'd sorted that quite well, but now life has moved on and I need to re-find that balance). I want to find balance in my new job -between trying hard to be efficient, effective and achieving results, yet not straying into the territory of being a bossy know it all. And back to the purpose of this blog - I need to find the balance between this modern world's need to multi-task, and my need to take things 'one thing at a time'. Because let's face it - all of these pursuits without balance are far less rewarding than they could be.
Wish me luck.
In particular I want to work on finding that elusive balance between being an individual and being a mother. And to find the necessary balance between work and home (I'd sorted that quite well, but now life has moved on and I need to re-find that balance). I want to find balance in my new job -between trying hard to be efficient, effective and achieving results, yet not straying into the territory of being a bossy know it all. And back to the purpose of this blog - I need to find the balance between this modern world's need to multi-task, and my need to take things 'one thing at a time'. Because let's face it - all of these pursuits without balance are far less rewarding than they could be.
Wish me luck.
Rattling with pills
Just when you thought I'd forgotten where the post button is, I'm back. I've no real reason for not posting for so long, just other things have taken priority. However, part of my reason for failing to post this last week is because I've been poorly.
My teeth- never the strongest part of me - started to hurt over new year. So, I ignored it. I thought of the £15 or £40 it would cost to go to the dentist, I thought of needing to take time off work when I was busy, I thought of how maybe it would just settle down by itself.
Of course it didn't.
So I ended up with an emergency dental appt on Monday. And a course of antibiotics to be taken 4 times a day on an empty stomach. Plus painkillers every 4 hours.
By Wednesday, more swelling, more pain. another emergency appt. Diagnosis of an abscess. More antibiotics - to be taken 3 times a day, with a meal.
Yes, that is 7 separate doses of antibiotics. Plus painkillers.
Is it any wonder my brain had no time to spare on remembering to blog?
Anyway, swelling is reduced (almost gone). Pain is much less. Only one more day of antibiotics then a course of dental treatment still to come.
Time to return to normal!
My teeth- never the strongest part of me - started to hurt over new year. So, I ignored it. I thought of the £15 or £40 it would cost to go to the dentist, I thought of needing to take time off work when I was busy, I thought of how maybe it would just settle down by itself.
Of course it didn't.
So I ended up with an emergency dental appt on Monday. And a course of antibiotics to be taken 4 times a day on an empty stomach. Plus painkillers every 4 hours.
By Wednesday, more swelling, more pain. another emergency appt. Diagnosis of an abscess. More antibiotics - to be taken 3 times a day, with a meal.
Yes, that is 7 separate doses of antibiotics. Plus painkillers.
Is it any wonder my brain had no time to spare on remembering to blog?
Anyway, swelling is reduced (almost gone). Pain is much less. Only one more day of antibiotics then a course of dental treatment still to come.
Time to return to normal!
Sunday, December 24, 2006
A Very Merry Christmas
We're safely arrived and unpacked at Glingle's house. Ellie is fast asleep in her 'holiday' bed having been told that Santa will not leave any presents if you are awake and see him. The mince pie, sherry and carrot are waiting by the fireside ready for Santa and Rudolf. And I'm about to settle down by the real coal fire (which is, of course, warming the chimney so Santa doesn't get too cold) and drink mulled wine. It's shaping up to be an excellent Christmas.
Wishing you all much happiness and joy.
Wishing you all much happiness and joy.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Ladybird
A new store opened in York this weekend. We came across the advert for it by chance at midday on the Saturday - its first day of trading. The advert promised furniture, soft furnishings, toys, Christmas decorations and craft stuff - along with free face painting and balloon modelling. How could we miss it?
There was a Santa who Ellie would not go near at first. An robotic singing and dancing reindeer. Free balloons. And face painting. Ellie waited for 15 mins for her turn. Then sat completely still whilst she was transformed into a ladybird (which she had requested). With her new face she also found new courage and actually spoke to Santa, as well as taking the sweet he offered.
It was a great time (and didn't cost anything!). We may need to purchase some face paints in the future however as Ellie has constantly since asked "what happened to my face?" " Can we go to the shop and paint my face again tomorrow?".
So you want to see a picture? Of course you do. (There was more paint around the mouth originally, but if Santa will give out toffees...)
Doesn't she look happy?!
There was a Santa who Ellie would not go near at first. An robotic singing and dancing reindeer. Free balloons. And face painting. Ellie waited for 15 mins for her turn. Then sat completely still whilst she was transformed into a ladybird (which she had requested). With her new face she also found new courage and actually spoke to Santa, as well as taking the sweet he offered.
It was a great time (and didn't cost anything!). We may need to purchase some face paints in the future however as Ellie has constantly since asked "what happened to my face?" " Can we go to the shop and paint my face again tomorrow?".
So you want to see a picture? Of course you do. (There was more paint around the mouth originally, but if Santa will give out toffees...)
Doesn't she look happy?!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
rubber band art
You may remember I posted a little while ago, promising photos of Ellie's art from rubber bands. Well here are a couple she created today. For a two and a half year old, I think they are pretty good. 
One is a rabbit. The other is called Mr Cools (or is it Koolz? I forgot to check the spelling?!). Ellie was particularly proud of his tummy and hair. Ellie devised this art technique all herself - and it is also recyclable and costs nothing...!
Curtains
No, it's not another 'endings' post. I'm trying to move on from that!
In our bedroom, there are two big windows (the only ones in the house which aren't double glazed). These windows have full length curtains (in a just about Ok pattern). However, they have annoyed me (in a 'oh' every morning way, but not in a 'must do something about it right now' kind of way since we moved in 3 years ago). Initially, I placed my annoyance on the fact that they were supposed to close by pulling a cord to the side. But the cord had snapped, which meant that you had to pull them closed. Not a problem by itself, except that the 'cord' mechanism always led to them sticking/tangling, so it was more of a wrestle than a pull. Eventually, I removed all the cord, but it wasn't really any better until Paul removed the mechanical bits too.
Then I realised I also had two other gripes. But bear with me, this does have a happy ending... They always gape at the top, which looks really untidy from outside - and inside, but I rarely noticed that due to being asleep. Outside, however, I noticed every time I approached our house. The other gripe is that being full length they cover the two radiators under the windows.
Very effectively channelling all the heat straight up to escape from the draughty windows - making our room a very effective fridge. Which has led to us tucking the curtains up on the window ledge, making it look more untidy than ever.
But yesterday, my mother and my sister and father visited with the sewing machine, energy, patience and curtain shortening skill. My sister pressed, my mother sewed and my dad hung the curtains. (I just played with Ellie... sorry folks!) The curtains now beautifully rest just behind the top of the radiators. And as a throwaway comment my mother mentioned I should get round to gathering the top of the curtains.
How could I not have realised that the horrible gaping (which was in fact the MOST irritating thing) was simply because they'd not been fitted to the window width? I suspect that Paul's comment that my irritation had blinded me from actually really seeing the curtains is very true. Anyway, today we gathered the curtains.
They now hang beautifully- our bedroom is effectively transformed.
I know this is a long post about a domestic triviality, but really, it has made such a difference!!!
(If the pattern was a bit nicer, I'd post a picture of them!)
In our bedroom, there are two big windows (the only ones in the house which aren't double glazed). These windows have full length curtains (in a just about Ok pattern). However, they have annoyed me (in a 'oh' every morning way, but not in a 'must do something about it right now' kind of way since we moved in 3 years ago). Initially, I placed my annoyance on the fact that they were supposed to close by pulling a cord to the side. But the cord had snapped, which meant that you had to pull them closed. Not a problem by itself, except that the 'cord' mechanism always led to them sticking/tangling, so it was more of a wrestle than a pull. Eventually, I removed all the cord, but it wasn't really any better until Paul removed the mechanical bits too.
Then I realised I also had two other gripes. But bear with me, this does have a happy ending... They always gape at the top, which looks really untidy from outside - and inside, but I rarely noticed that due to being asleep. Outside, however, I noticed every time I approached our house. The other gripe is that being full length they cover the two radiators under the windows.
Very effectively channelling all the heat straight up to escape from the draughty windows - making our room a very effective fridge. Which has led to us tucking the curtains up on the window ledge, making it look more untidy than ever.
But yesterday, my mother and my sister and father visited with the sewing machine, energy, patience and curtain shortening skill. My sister pressed, my mother sewed and my dad hung the curtains. (I just played with Ellie... sorry folks!) The curtains now beautifully rest just behind the top of the radiators. And as a throwaway comment my mother mentioned I should get round to gathering the top of the curtains.
How could I not have realised that the horrible gaping (which was in fact the MOST irritating thing) was simply because they'd not been fitted to the window width? I suspect that Paul's comment that my irritation had blinded me from actually really seeing the curtains is very true. Anyway, today we gathered the curtains.
They now hang beautifully- our bedroom is effectively transformed.
I know this is a long post about a domestic triviality, but really, it has made such a difference!!!
(If the pattern was a bit nicer, I'd post a picture of them!)
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Parenting
Well, somehow, it seems to have been a few posts since I've written about Ellie. That surely needs addressing!!
This week has been difficult. I think Ellie has started to realise that I am around less (due to working more). There have been tears at nursery on a morning. There have been refusals to let go of my legs, and my work bag mysteriously returning itself to the cupboard. It's been very hard for me. And it's taken most of my "mummy skills" to see past that and realise that its even harder for her.
Yet, the mornings have also had their happier moments. Last week, out shopping, Ellie tried to persuade me to buy Coco Pops instead of weetabix. As they both come in supercheap own brand varieties, and of course because I wish to promote her making choices and becoming more independent, I agreed. Ellie has chosen coco pops every morning for breakfast. Now as she is getting older and more independent, but still wakes at 5am we have developed a habit of setting her up with breakfast in front of a DVD and hopping back into bed. (As a parenting strategy I'm a bit mixed about this. I think it is 'slack' parenting, which I'd wish to avoid. On the other hand, I function much better with the extra sleep. Which currently is vital to get through the bedtime routine with a toddler who is exhausted from nursery, whilst I am also exhausted from work. The jury is still out, and in the meantime it's what I do.)
Ellie, once upon a time - not so very long ago, would have finished her cereal and shouted for attention. This week she has instead gone to the cereal cupboard, co-incidentally the only one in the kitchen that is not child locked, carefully removed the clip from the container, poured herself more coco pops, placed the clip and container back in the cupboard and taken the cereal back to her table. She started the week by also trying to get the milk from the fridge (using her step to reach the handle), but has found that the fridge door is just impossible to open. She alternates solutions for this 1) shout for mummy or daddy to get milk 2) just eat it dry.
Ok, so there are a few split and trampled coco pops on the kitchen floor - but how can you criticise such determination...?
This week has been difficult. I think Ellie has started to realise that I am around less (due to working more). There have been tears at nursery on a morning. There have been refusals to let go of my legs, and my work bag mysteriously returning itself to the cupboard. It's been very hard for me. And it's taken most of my "mummy skills" to see past that and realise that its even harder for her.
Yet, the mornings have also had their happier moments. Last week, out shopping, Ellie tried to persuade me to buy Coco Pops instead of weetabix. As they both come in supercheap own brand varieties, and of course because I wish to promote her making choices and becoming more independent, I agreed. Ellie has chosen coco pops every morning for breakfast. Now as she is getting older and more independent, but still wakes at 5am we have developed a habit of setting her up with breakfast in front of a DVD and hopping back into bed. (As a parenting strategy I'm a bit mixed about this. I think it is 'slack' parenting, which I'd wish to avoid. On the other hand, I function much better with the extra sleep. Which currently is vital to get through the bedtime routine with a toddler who is exhausted from nursery, whilst I am also exhausted from work. The jury is still out, and in the meantime it's what I do.)
Ellie, once upon a time - not so very long ago, would have finished her cereal and shouted for attention. This week she has instead gone to the cereal cupboard, co-incidentally the only one in the kitchen that is not child locked, carefully removed the clip from the container, poured herself more coco pops, placed the clip and container back in the cupboard and taken the cereal back to her table. She started the week by also trying to get the milk from the fridge (using her step to reach the handle), but has found that the fridge door is just impossible to open. She alternates solutions for this 1) shout for mummy or daddy to get milk 2) just eat it dry.
Ok, so there are a few split and trampled coco pops on the kitchen floor - but how can you criticise such determination...?
NaBloPoMo - more ending!
It's well and truly over. I failed to post every day. I think I have good reasons - too much happening in my home life, including a new job and a holiday, combined with a dodgy broadband for the first three weeks of the month. Still, I'm a little sad that I failed to achieve something I set out to do. It would have been much worse, however, if I had achieved posting everyday and neglected other areas of my life which have all been in upheaval this month.
Yet, despite not achieving a post each day - there have been real upsides for me. It has made me more dedicated to my blog, and that in turn has led me to realise the postive impact that blogging has on me. And the NaBloPoMo randomiser, whilst I have merely dabbled, was an inspiration - leading me to blogs I might never have come across otherwise. Some blogs merely convinced me that I prefered my own style, other blogs provided a model for me to aspire to. Very few (if any?) left me untouched in some way. The randomiser was like attending some big fundraiser and finding yourself surrounded by people you didn't know, and with whom you weren't initially sure what you had in common. But unlike the real life version, which would have me frantically downing my drink and grabbing my coat - the blog version had people easily and openly telling me about their life, thoughts and ideas and even coming over to talk to me.
I may not have done what I set out to do, but I have really enjoyed the experience.
Yet, despite not achieving a post each day - there have been real upsides for me. It has made me more dedicated to my blog, and that in turn has led me to realise the postive impact that blogging has on me. And the NaBloPoMo randomiser, whilst I have merely dabbled, was an inspiration - leading me to blogs I might never have come across otherwise. Some blogs merely convinced me that I prefered my own style, other blogs provided a model for me to aspire to. Very few (if any?) left me untouched in some way. The randomiser was like attending some big fundraiser and finding yourself surrounded by people you didn't know, and with whom you weren't initially sure what you had in common. But unlike the real life version, which would have me frantically downing my drink and grabbing my coat - the blog version had people easily and openly telling me about their life, thoughts and ideas and even coming over to talk to me.
I may not have done what I set out to do, but I have really enjoyed the experience.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Endings (temporary)
So, I've got a replacement for my post - in a couple of weeks I'll have fully switched from my current post to my secondment. As you may have noticed in my last post, although I claim on job applications to be very good at managing change (and I am!) I have to confess that I find it as difficult as anyone. I enjoy the new challenges it brings, but wish I could keep all the old ones too - particularly the ones I've just sorted out!
Tonight also marked another change and ending. It was my last swim/sauna at our gym. Again it's only temporary - we've suspended our membership as we have other priorities at the moment. However, I am already really missing it... On the other hand, I am well aware that (as gym managers rely on with minimum contracts etc) we have often paid for a month or so when we have not actually made it though the door. I know that when we resume membership we will be making much better use of the facilities, and will probably appreciate them more for having not had them for a while. I'm still a little sad though (but know it will have passed by morning).
But really I should be looking to the future so finally, a conundrum. My new office has an enormous desk area - well 3 desks assembled in a big L to be accurate. Is this
a) a sign of status
b) a sign of overwork
c) a sign that the previous occupant was a hoarder?
Tonight also marked another change and ending. It was my last swim/sauna at our gym. Again it's only temporary - we've suspended our membership as we have other priorities at the moment. However, I am already really missing it... On the other hand, I am well aware that (as gym managers rely on with minimum contracts etc) we have often paid for a month or so when we have not actually made it though the door. I know that when we resume membership we will be making much better use of the facilities, and will probably appreciate them more for having not had them for a while. I'm still a little sad though (but know it will have passed by morning).
But really I should be looking to the future so finally, a conundrum. My new office has an enormous desk area - well 3 desks assembled in a big L to be accurate. Is this
a) a sign of status
b) a sign of overwork
c) a sign that the previous occupant was a hoarder?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
The irreplaceable, indispensible, super woman
So much is going on in my life at the moment. Ellie is about to move up a class at nursery. She is trying new things and testing boundaries constantly at the moment. Paul is still off work with neurological problems (which haven't changed in the last 6 weeks). He may lose his job. He may decide to be a stay at home dad. I am about to start a new job - a new, exciting, different to now job. I am about to change the work life balance from an idyllic 3 work 4 home days to full time work (which is much better financially, but has less child time).
All this is going on. So what am I having sleepless nights about?
Leaving my current job: How can my current team manage without me? Surely my efforts over the last 2 years will disappear? And I will I lose the staff I've just recruited?
Surely it's impossible for the team to carry on without me. My head is so big - I am so outrageously self-important. Only I can be me.
Well, the last statement is true. The others I am recognising are part of my hysterical and misguided belief that I am an irreplaceable, indispensible, super woman. I am starting to realise that the real cause of stress in my life is having unrealistic expectations of myself - or worse, trying to live up to them, or even worse, believing that others hold such equally implausible beliefs about me and trying to live up to those too.
I am me. I am human. On a good day, that's a very good thing to be. On a bad day, it's a less good thing to be - but still OK.
All this is going on. So what am I having sleepless nights about?
Leaving my current job: How can my current team manage without me? Surely my efforts over the last 2 years will disappear? And I will I lose the staff I've just recruited?
Surely it's impossible for the team to carry on without me. My head is so big - I am so outrageously self-important. Only I can be me.
Well, the last statement is true. The others I am recognising are part of my hysterical and misguided belief that I am an irreplaceable, indispensible, super woman. I am starting to realise that the real cause of stress in my life is having unrealistic expectations of myself - or worse, trying to live up to them, or even worse, believing that others hold such equally implausible beliefs about me and trying to live up to those too.
I am me. I am human. On a good day, that's a very good thing to be. On a bad day, it's a less good thing to be - but still OK.
Blogger
Blogger wants me to go to a new, better, more exciting version....
Oh I so dislike change!
It says once I go, I cannot return...
Where has my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants attitude, taking risks in my stride gone?
Has anyone else changed? Does the world still work once you've crossed over?
Oh I so dislike change!
It says once I go, I cannot return...
Where has my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants attitude, taking risks in my stride gone?
Has anyone else changed? Does the world still work once you've crossed over?
Monday, November 27, 2006
Good things
I've had a few days of 'good things' - little, almost insignificant things which have made me smile, laugh or just pleased to be me at that time and that place. They are the sort of things which don't really mean much to anyone else- but are precious and priceless to me. And, whilst as always, Ellie has contributed greatly to such things they haven't all been about her - which is in itself a nice counterpoint to my usual perception of life.
So, to give you a few examples (and so on a less good day, I can look back here and smile about them all over again...)
A friend I'd not seen for several years (post-motherhood in fact) told me that I had not changed since being a student - definitely a compliment.
A work colleague, who I work with occasionally, gave me a huge smile and a big hug when she realised I was going to be working near her office in my new job.
I had evidence that I chosen a fantastic friend for Ellie's godfather when he was unselfconciously playing 'animals' with Ellie in the toddler pool - bounding around saying ribbit ribbit.
Seeing my goddaughter Maisy and teaching her to play draughts - immediately followed by her wanting to play another game with me.
So life is busy, hectic, unstable, even stressful at times - but basically good.
So, to give you a few examples (and so on a less good day, I can look back here and smile about them all over again...)
A friend I'd not seen for several years (post-motherhood in fact) told me that I had not changed since being a student - definitely a compliment.
A work colleague, who I work with occasionally, gave me a huge smile and a big hug when she realised I was going to be working near her office in my new job.
I had evidence that I chosen a fantastic friend for Ellie's godfather when he was unselfconciously playing 'animals' with Ellie in the toddler pool - bounding around saying ribbit ribbit.
Seeing my goddaughter Maisy and teaching her to play draughts - immediately followed by her wanting to play another game with me.
So life is busy, hectic, unstable, even stressful at times - but basically good.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Procrastination
Why, oh why, do I do this to myself!
I'm teaching tomorrow am. I've just finished the presentation (it's a good hour past my bedtime). Once upon a time I might have justified this on the grounds that it was done, it was just that it still could be improved. But tonight, it reallywasn't all that started. It was in my head. Which is very different from being on a powerpoint presentation and handouts.
I know I am a deadline kind of person. I work much better with that adrenaline thrill of - can I actually achieve this in time? But really this is ridiculous. There are so many things which can go wrong with leaving things to the last minute - particularly when you have a small child who is reliant upon you.
I am cross with myself. I am also cross because I know that I have been here before. And I was cross with myself then too. And, apparently, it has made little difference.
So here I am. Tired and cross with myself. And the tiredness could have been avoided. And the crossness is ineffective.
I think I will just go to bed.
Tommorrow, I will be less tired and less cross - with a renewed resolution to plan my time better. (We'll see how that goes!)
I'm teaching tomorrow am. I've just finished the presentation (it's a good hour past my bedtime). Once upon a time I might have justified this on the grounds that it was done, it was just that it still could be improved. But tonight, it reallywasn't all that started. It was in my head. Which is very different from being on a powerpoint presentation and handouts.
I know I am a deadline kind of person. I work much better with that adrenaline thrill of - can I actually achieve this in time? But really this is ridiculous. There are so many things which can go wrong with leaving things to the last minute - particularly when you have a small child who is reliant upon you.
I am cross with myself. I am also cross because I know that I have been here before. And I was cross with myself then too. And, apparently, it has made little difference.
So here I am. Tired and cross with myself. And the tiredness could have been avoided. And the crossness is ineffective.
I think I will just go to bed.
Tommorrow, I will be less tired and less cross - with a renewed resolution to plan my time better. (We'll see how that goes!)
Monday, November 20, 2006
Feeling at ease
Isn't it strange how age changes your expectations of holidays? I remember clearly as a teenager reaching a stage (as I suspect most teenagers do) when I considered it definitely more fun to go on holiday with my friends rather than my parents. Yet earlier this year when we went to France, it was the natural choice to go on holiday with my parents. Not just because they could babysit (although thank you...!) but because I wanted to go on holiday with them, knowing that we would enjoy similar things, and wanting them to spend some quality time with Ellie - see Ellie on holiday in person, not just through photos.
Similarly I can remember a time when, whilst envying the afflence, I was bemused by why people would buy a holiday villa. Why limit your holidays to one place when there is so much to see and do around the world? Yet here I am having just come back from Center Parcs at Nottingham for the eleventh time (probably, I've lost count). And will definitely be going back there again.
It doesn't stop my desire to visit many many places, but it is a perfect way to relax, unwind and have an idyllic holiday (for me, anyway). It's only an hour from home, so I'm not at all tired when I arrive. I know where everything is (which is lovely for someone with such a poor sense of direction). It's an isolated village, which could be anywhere, and feels a long long way from work, housework and the world at large. There are lots of fab things to do, but I don't feel I have to do more than I want - because I can always do some next time. And, best of all - it's all child friendly. All of it. From the moveable step in the villa bathroom, to the staff who say 'thank you for letting me know' and bring a replacement when you tell them your child has tipped their drink on the restaurant floor. And, I know that is their reaction - so even when this time nothing was split, I hadn't wasted a moment's anxiety in case it was.
I feel better than I have for a long time. (I'm going to hold onto how I feel right now. Picture it. Feel it. Remember it for when work hits tomorrow!)
Similarly I can remember a time when, whilst envying the afflence, I was bemused by why people would buy a holiday villa. Why limit your holidays to one place when there is so much to see and do around the world? Yet here I am having just come back from Center Parcs at Nottingham for the eleventh time (probably, I've lost count). And will definitely be going back there again.
It doesn't stop my desire to visit many many places, but it is a perfect way to relax, unwind and have an idyllic holiday (for me, anyway). It's only an hour from home, so I'm not at all tired when I arrive. I know where everything is (which is lovely for someone with such a poor sense of direction). It's an isolated village, which could be anywhere, and feels a long long way from work, housework and the world at large. There are lots of fab things to do, but I don't feel I have to do more than I want - because I can always do some next time. And, best of all - it's all child friendly. All of it. From the moveable step in the villa bathroom, to the staff who say 'thank you for letting me know' and bring a replacement when you tell them your child has tipped their drink on the restaurant floor. And, I know that is their reaction - so even when this time nothing was split, I hadn't wasted a moment's anxiety in case it was.
I feel better than I have for a long time. (I'm going to hold onto how I feel right now. Picture it. Feel it. Remember it for when work hits tomorrow!)
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Failing
Oh dear, due to internet connection hassles, I've been only just scraping through on this NaBloPoMo thing (well, Ok replace scraping through with occasionally failing to post every day - but still posting more than not!).
However, I have completely failed to take into account that we are off to Center Parcs tomorrow, for a long weekend away from it all. So there may be a mid packing post tomorrow. There may be a return post on Monday. But unless our housesitter hacks into my account and posts on my behalf there'll be no posts this weekend.
Failure.
Failure, at the half way stage.
But do I care? Afraid not. I'm off on holiday. Away from work, away from housework, with my family and some good friends and my gorgeous god-daughter (one of them, I have two equally gorgeous). And I've packed the wine!
But, in spirit of contrition and penance, I hereby pledge to ensure that by the end of November I have posted at least 30 times. (which will be at least one a day from when I return).
However, I have completely failed to take into account that we are off to Center Parcs tomorrow, for a long weekend away from it all. So there may be a mid packing post tomorrow. There may be a return post on Monday. But unless our housesitter hacks into my account and posts on my behalf there'll be no posts this weekend.
Failure.
Failure, at the half way stage.
But do I care? Afraid not. I'm off on holiday. Away from work, away from housework, with my family and some good friends and my gorgeous god-daughter (one of them, I have two equally gorgeous). And I've packed the wine!
But, in spirit of contrition and penance, I hereby pledge to ensure that by the end of November I have posted at least 30 times. (which will be at least one a day from when I return).
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
The value of others
Blogging started out as a way of making time for myself, to think about things and develop some perspective - as well as being a way of using my writing skills. Strange how things turn out...
Due to NaBloPoMo combined with the vagaries of my broadband connection, thoughtful crafted posts have been replaced with a manic scramble to compose and post before the connection fails (if only I was organised/had time enough to draft in word then try to upload on the same day!). And the reasons why I am writing are also changing. It's still a place for me to reflect, (or perhaps more accurately causes me to reflect during the day - how would this look as a post? what would I write about this event? what do I actually think about it??) but it's also a way of keeping up with friends - real world ones, re-found ones, and new ones who I may never meet but whose opinions and thoughts I now value.
Today, I hit a challenge. Someone has reacted in a way that has surprised and disappointed me. I'd quite like to blog about it - a chance to figure out whether or not I am going to take their reaction to heart, how I truly feel about what has happened. It's not major but it's on my mind. I'd quite like to poll others opinions about this - without having to take over every conversation by rehashing it when I'm not really too clear what I actually think and feel. But I can't. Maybe one day they will read this blog. And I can guess that my blogging about it would surprise and disappoint them...
So, it's a shame that you will never read enough to know what I am actually on about, but at least I know, and now you know, that I really value your comments and feedback. Blogging has made my world bigger and more interesting and that must always be a good thing. Even if I don't spend as much time on it as I'd like
Due to NaBloPoMo combined with the vagaries of my broadband connection, thoughtful crafted posts have been replaced with a manic scramble to compose and post before the connection fails (if only I was organised/had time enough to draft in word then try to upload on the same day!). And the reasons why I am writing are also changing. It's still a place for me to reflect, (or perhaps more accurately causes me to reflect during the day - how would this look as a post? what would I write about this event? what do I actually think about it??) but it's also a way of keeping up with friends - real world ones, re-found ones, and new ones who I may never meet but whose opinions and thoughts I now value.
Today, I hit a challenge. Someone has reacted in a way that has surprised and disappointed me. I'd quite like to blog about it - a chance to figure out whether or not I am going to take their reaction to heart, how I truly feel about what has happened. It's not major but it's on my mind. I'd quite like to poll others opinions about this - without having to take over every conversation by rehashing it when I'm not really too clear what I actually think and feel. But I can't. Maybe one day they will read this blog. And I can guess that my blogging about it would surprise and disappoint them...
So, it's a shame that you will never read enough to know what I am actually on about, but at least I know, and now you know, that I really value your comments and feedback. Blogging has made my world bigger and more interesting and that must always be a good thing. Even if I don't spend as much time on it as I'd like
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Blogging
Blogging started out as a way of making time for myself, to think about things and develop some perspective - as well as being a way of using my writing skills. Strange how things turn out...
Due to NaBloPoMo combined with the vagarities of my broadband connection, thoughtful crafted posts have been replaced with manic scramble to compose and post before the connection fails (if only I was organised/had time enough to draft in word then try to upload on the same day!). And the reasons why I am writing are also changing. It's still a place for me to reflect, (or perhaps more accurately causes me to reflect during the day - how would this look as a post? what would I write about this event? what do I actually think about it??) but it's also a way of keeping up with friends - real world ones, re -found ones, and new ones who I may never meet but whose opinions and thoughts I now value.
Today, I hit a challenge. Someone has reacted in a way that has surprised and disappointed me. I'd quite like to blog about it - a chance to figure out whether or not I am going to take their reaction to heart, how I truly feel about what has happened. It's not major but it's on my mind. I'd quite like to poll others opinions about this - without having to take over every conversation by rehashing it when I'm not really too clear what I actually think and feel. But I can't. Maybe one day they will read this blog. And I can guess that my blogging about it would surprise and disappoint them...
So, it's a shame that you will never read enough to know what I am actually on about, but at least I know, and now you know, that I really value your comments and feedback. Blogging has made my world bigger and more interesting and that must always be a good thing.
Even if I don't spend as much time on it as I'd like.
Due to NaBloPoMo combined with the vagarities of my broadband connection, thoughtful crafted posts have been replaced with manic scramble to compose and post before the connection fails (if only I was organised/had time enough to draft in word then try to upload on the same day!). And the reasons why I am writing are also changing. It's still a place for me to reflect, (or perhaps more accurately causes me to reflect during the day - how would this look as a post? what would I write about this event? what do I actually think about it??) but it's also a way of keeping up with friends - real world ones, re -found ones, and new ones who I may never meet but whose opinions and thoughts I now value.
Today, I hit a challenge. Someone has reacted in a way that has surprised and disappointed me. I'd quite like to blog about it - a chance to figure out whether or not I am going to take their reaction to heart, how I truly feel about what has happened. It's not major but it's on my mind. I'd quite like to poll others opinions about this - without having to take over every conversation by rehashing it when I'm not really too clear what I actually think and feel. But I can't. Maybe one day they will read this blog. And I can guess that my blogging about it would surprise and disappoint them...
So, it's a shame that you will never read enough to know what I am actually on about, but at least I know, and now you know, that I really value your comments and feedback. Blogging has made my world bigger and more interesting and that must always be a good thing.
Even if I don't spend as much time on it as I'd like.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Success
I got the job!
Lots more posting when broadband connection is working again and celebrations are over.
Lots more posting when broadband connection is working again and celebrations are over.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Organic Veg
Maybe you remember a while ago, my post in which I worried about how to buy organic veg, without going bankrupt at the supermarket checkout (amongst many other things!). Some friends suggested that it would be worth checking out if there were any organic veg box schemes locally. It’s taken a while to choose one - the post was in September!. But the first box arrived on Friday. I was so excited in anticipation of it arriving. It's a 'small variety' - ideal to trial - and promised carrots, onions and pototoes as standard and 3 -4 other things. And here it is!
As well as 4 pototoes, 3 carrots, and 3 onions it had some Kale, 3 leeks and 2 squash and a swede. The squash is most definitely one of those veg I see in the supermarkets and think "that looks really interesting - I ought to find a recipe to cook with one some day" and then never do....
So now, I have to cook with one (which is exciting), and I've planned wonderful seasonal recipes like casseroles and leek and bean pie for the other veg.
So I'm feeling pretty good about this veg box thing so far - I'm eating organic veg, I'm eating seasonal veg, I'm eating local produce, and I'm cooking 'proper' food. Oh, and (probably because I've menu planned carefully around the veg) my remaining shop at the supermarket was within my reduced budget for food!
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